cautionarytale

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132

[private to Howie]

I'm not normally that-- [EYEROLL] I mean, you know that, right? That was... [She wants to say something about how she hates not remembering who was responsible because she has issues with that but all her other issues are back so she won't :c]

I think I'm... [She's just. Frowning. And has no idea how to say this.] I wanna talk to you about something.

[She thinks about that for a moment.] You know what? Never mind. I'm good.

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[long pause. ack, bad weekend for this. But he's manning up. He sounds tired.]

Elle, if you wanted to talk, we can talk.

Come on, if you give me half an hour or so, I'll come up there.

It's your special "boo hoo I died" weekend. You go wallow or whatever it is you do. I'm fine.

No, Elle, you come before that. I'm coming up.

Oh. Uh huh.

[About half an hour later, Howie knocked on her door, not dressed half as smartly as usual, and definitely tired. But he was there, and determined to not let anything get in his way. This was what he was here for, and he wasn't going to hide away when Elle needed him.

There was a reason she was the only person he'd respond to today.]

[It had actually slipped Elle's mind that it was Howie's death weekend and he probably wouldn't want to be bothered. But it was really nice that he'd let her bother him anyway.

She opened the door for him without any flirting, harassing, teasing, or electricity. She was worried she was imposing and he'd be annoyed about it.]

"Hi."

"Hi." [He stepped inside, having a quick look around, and then turning to her and asking,] "What did you want to talk about, Elle?"

"It wasn't anything important," [she insisted.]

[He shook his head,] "You wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't important. So... come on, it's important to me, I want to know. Even if it's small and trivial, let me hear it."

[Elle frowned at that. She should be used to it by now, but she hadn't expected him to say something like that.]

"I think I'm starting to get over Peter, that's all. I miss him less." [And for some reason, that was worse than missing him more, which was why she was confused and why she wanted to ask Howie about it.]

[He paused and nodded,] "Does that make things better? Or make you feel better, anyway?"

[He could guess he wouldn't be here right now if she did.]

"No. I mean, it sucks less but I don't want to miss him less, I want him to come back."

[He found something to lean against, and paused for a moment, thinking,] "I think that's understandable, Elle. But... that's part of getting over him too. Because as much as you want him to, he's probably" [-most definitely-] "not."

"Yeah, I get that he's not," [she said bitterly. She frowned again.] "I'm less sad, so why doesn't that feel like a good thing?"

[He frowned a little too,] "I don't quite know. I'm going to say because... you don't want to have to be doing this. This is, I don't know, almost like a compromise."

"Doing what?" [She felt dumb for not being sure what he meant. She didn't even realize how much like a child's her voice sounded when she asked that question.]

"Getting used to missing him." [He noted how she sounded. He nearly always did, but he was still a little unsure what to do about it.]

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private

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some spam.

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