cautionarytale | 130

[Elle's wearing a nice blouse and has done something with her hair. There's a lit cigarette between her fingers. She's going for the glamorous look today.]

Who does a girl have to not kill to graduate around here? I haven't killed anybody in, like, forever. Some of you people have graduated, right? So what's the requirement to get off this boat?

[She pauses, takes a drag of the cigarette and blows out a cloud of smoke. She nearly starts coughing, but catches herself and flashes the most innocent of smiles at the camera.]

Call me curious, but I can't help wondering what's keeping you in a place like this. Not just the wardens who've graduated. Any of you. I keep hearing phrases like "the greater good" and "saving souls" tossed around, but that's so... [She waves the hand with the cigarette around. Look at her cigarette, barge. Doesn't it make her look mature?] ...nebulous. You know? What's really keeping you here?

[She frowns, for a split second looking like nothing so much as a sad, confused little kid. She raises the cigarette to her lips again, takes a deep breath, and VERY QUICKLY switches to written. The coughing fit that ensues will stay her own dark secret.]

[private to Adam]

Sorry if I was mean about Judas.

[surprise!spam for Howie]

[As usual, no knocking, just an attempt to open the door and walk into Howie's room like she owns the place.]

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[He actually smiled a little, and nodded,] "Aye, exactly that. Which is why it's important not to cheat on people. It's as much about respect as anything else."

[As far as he was concerned, he wasn't about to get involved in her love life, it wasn't his place, and he knew his morality about it was... very restrictive, and very personal. But learning from your mistakes, he could do.]

[Elle felt a tiny thrill of pride when he smiled at her. She'd done something right, even if Peter was long gone.]

"I'm not really over him," [she said quietly.] "I only slept with Vince to convince myself I was."

"That's... I'm still not over... Mary or Sveta, to be honest. It's gutting, I know." [He frowned a little and looked across at her again,] "You do have to be careful of what you do as a result of it, though. Do you regret doing that too?"

"Not really." [It hadn't been anything like it had been with Peter, but it hadn't been bad. She shrugged.] "It was kinda fun."

"Alright. Not saying you should, just... wondering." [He paused,] "Did it make you feel any better? About Peter?" [He was asking for more than the obvious reasons.]

[Elle squinted at him, wondering where this was going.] "No."

[He paused, not really sure where this was going himself, actually,] "Has anything? Not that, I don't know, it should, I just wondered."

[She bit her lip as her eyes drifted off towards the wall.] "You know how, when you're walking up the stairs in the dark, and you know there's another step, but it turns out there isn't?" [Her eyes snapped back to Howie.] "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I've forgotten he's gone, and it feels like that."

[She raised her eyebrows, pressing her lips into a thin line that almost looked like a sign of resignation.] "It happens less than it used to."

[At that, he felt bad for her, and put an arm around her shoulders briefly, giving her nothing more than a slight squeeze,] "I... I'm sorry, Elle. I'd hate that. But if it happens less, I... it does get better in time."

[He paused] "I sometimes think idly that I'll ring Mary or something. Like I used to. It's been a long time since I've thought it, I'll admit, but now and then... it's easy to forget."

[Elle leaned against him, more grateful than she'd say for the hug, even if it was a short one.]

"Mary misses you," [she said, a small attempt to make him feel better, as she looked up at him hopefully.]

[He nodded, with a slight smile, because it was good to hear.] "Aye. Aye, she probably does. But she'll move on, eventually, and I have to too. I think I have... mostly, there's just moments where I hate it." [He reached behind her for the rest of that chocolate and broke off a piece, then offered her the rest of the bar. It was better than alcohol or smoking.]

"Thanks, Elle. I'm sure, where ever he is, Peter'll miss you too."

[Elle accepted the chocolate and took a bite. She wasn't fond of bitter tastes, but it was sugary enough that there was some sweetness to it, and it was better than the faint aftertaste of cigarette smoke that was still in her mouth.]

"He's probably forgotten. That's what happens when you leave the barge."

[Chocolate was kind of Howie's real guilty pleasure, if he was honest. Outside of drinking, but that was a different matter entirely, so after a moment of eating it, he replied,]

"Not always. I don't know. But even if he has, there's some part of him which'll remember you. Even subconsciously." [Howie was a little of the belief you couldn't just forget things.]

"Yeah," [Elle said softly. She didn't really believe Peter remembered her, but it was nice to imagine that he did.]

"It'll be alright, Elle. I'm not going anywhere, and... it'll be alright."

130 - video

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